im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
