that's an acceptable place to lick
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
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