So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
They took my balls.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The Olympian is in my bed
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
