all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
