My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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