The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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