How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
