You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
