meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
