Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
