Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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