Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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