The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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