so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
