i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
