oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
