The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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