My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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