There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I need to sanitize my soul.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
