I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
