So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
