Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
