I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
