at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
