its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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