do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
