i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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