he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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