yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
