everyone is single if you try hard enough
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
