Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
