smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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