Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
