he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
