Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
