Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
