He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
