margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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