I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I think i got beer on your cat.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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