So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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