Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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