My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
