he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
