So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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