yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
