she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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