Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
