SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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