i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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