even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
