Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
